Being optimistic is tough work. I have tried for so long, and for so hard, to say “It’s alright, I’m alright, we’re doing great, everything is going to be great” and I am downright sick of it. I want to make like an ostrich and stick my head in a hole and hide from the world. I want to run away to somewhere, anywhere, with a clean, organized, uncluttered house and just lay in bed all day and not have to think about the million items on our to-do list that I can’t possibly all get done.
When I was pregnant with Anna I was living at my parents house while waiting for my mobile home to be done it’s renovations so me and her could have our own place to call home. It was such a stressful time and I promised myself that I would never go through that again yet here we are, waiting for Zenith to be born, and we’re walking on subfloors and don’t even have use of our front door due to the mudroom needing to be completely redone and waiting for permits for that. Is it too much to ask to want to be pregnant with an orderly house with a spare room that I can decorate easily in my free time to have ready before the baby comes?
And I know I am being so not fair, I can’t even help with the renovations and I can’t begin to imagine the stress Charles is also under due to my dreams and demands but it’s hard, it’s just really, really hard.
To make matters worse I’ve now basically been reduced to extra light duty as being on my feet for any period of time causes weird sharp pains in my cervix area; I can’t even sweep the floors without having to sit for an hour afterward. Not to mention poor Anna, I just can’t keep up with her anymore as even walking 2 blocks to the splash park is quite difficult. I feel like she’s getting so neglected and Zenith isn’t even here yet.
I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it must be around some corner because I’m really having a hard time doing so. As a result I’m going to take a break from blogging so I can try to get back to myself before Zenith gets here and so I can try to give Anna some more quality time as well. I’m hoping to be back in October but it will probably only be one post a week for a little bit.
I do however promise to keep taking pictures of the renovations, of Anna’s 2nd birthday, and all other crazy events so I can pick back up when I do come back, and I promise I’ll be back. Blogging used to bring me such joy but right now I just really don’t have time for it and it’s more of a stress now since I’m not able to post regularly anymore.
I want to thank you all for your loving support and kind words you have given me and I hope to see at least some of you when I return.
One stressed mama.